Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
