I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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