This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
