It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
