Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
