therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
