I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize