If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
zippers are such a cool invention
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
