it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize