I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
