Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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