Your face is a jimmy john
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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