I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
