She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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