I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
