if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
