Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
