what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
