and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
