I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
