I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
