I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
