Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize