He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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