barbara walters just said penis...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
