Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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