I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
