My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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