I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
