Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
