The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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