I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
