Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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