in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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