it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
