she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
