Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
