I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
