and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
