Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
