im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize