im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
