Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
