Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
