But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
