she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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