i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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