so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
