Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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