My pussy is not your playground.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
