the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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