The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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