splinters make it hard to masturbate
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
