so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
