omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's Friday. Sex?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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