lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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