i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
