He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
