I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
