he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
