Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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