Christians are straight up FREAKS
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
