I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
