dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
