It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
