Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
