She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I have post one night stand depression
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
