This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
