Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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