So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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