Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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