She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
