i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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