If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
