its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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