ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize