Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
