The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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