We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
