i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
