I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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