You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize