well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
