That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I did not marry a roomba.
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