You can't special order awesome
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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