i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
