You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
