cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
