if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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