I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize