HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
