ugly people sure do ruin things
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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