It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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