Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
