I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize