I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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