Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
