He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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