apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
