Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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