The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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