brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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