Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
