Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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