You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
