he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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